On this last day of the month, I will say that harrowing is not hideous. The inversion and the pollution were hideous, but the month itself was challenging in that way where you feel like you can't breathe. Like when you can't breathe while looking over the edge of a very high space. And, somehow you know you must get down (breathless and dreading and feeling like every movement equals great dangerous risk).
Basically, I realized, I'm not where I want to be in terms of some of my goals. There was some truth to face. There are still some decisions to make. But, I'm working on plan of action.
So dear January, I am, in the end, grateful for your italics.