When this happens, and I'm trying to get back into the rhythm of actually
Yesterday, I had two pretty gigantic projects due. The terror level for these projects was pretty high since one of them represents my work for the last 3 years. No one wants to have something worthless after 3 years.
Since I've been so stressed out about it, my sleeping patterns have been super off. I haven't slept a lot. Also—I've been trying to grade papers, manage my life, teach, figure out what to do for the rest of my life, etc etc etc etc. No biggie. Despite my most disciplined and sincere efforts, I was just out of time.
Yesterday, I had about 2 hours to finish what should have taken 8. Or could have taken 8.
But I turned everything in.
And it felt perfect.
Part of the perfect was that I got to talk to a large percentage of all the people I love the most in the world. Literally, I mean that I had probably the funniest conversation I've ever had with my parents in my life. I was making them laugh their heads off. And that is a special joy to me. But, I'm just really grateful for all the people in my life. Grateful for email and text messaging. Grateful for my brother who always stops by my classroom to say, "Hi" (even when I'm practically unconscious with stress).
Yesterday was messy. I only ate like two things because I really didn't have time. I had cramps. I was frazzled. I was stressed. (My students were laughing at me because I was incapable of writing anything coherent on the white board. But—they were laughing, and we were talking about exciting writing things, and I knew they were as excited as me).
It was the best day ever. I did it the best I've ever done.