Wednesday, February 22, 2012

tonight i'm in my old apartment

From when I was in college. From when I was getting my MA at BYU. Oh the happy times that have been had here. My sister is letting me sleep in the bunk bed in her room because we had a waterpolo game tonight, and I have to teach tomorrow anyways.

So, I'm currently trying to grade papers, but mostly remembering some pretty lovely things.

I put my college apartment in the same category as Spain. Not because my apartment is really anything like Spain, except that I can just never go back exactly. I can't be here and be 22 again. Or 20. And I can't go back to Madrid and be 21 and the girl I was back then—the one who who refused to wear pants and didn't bring proper shoes. Sitting here in the back room, where my older sister & I used live (and I covered the walls with pictures from high school because I was only 19 and I still missed all my friends back there. And I couldn't even go home for Christmas because my parents moved) (and Anne lived in the room next door)(and we'd all hang out in the front room mostly laughing and me trying to figure out what I was doing and eating tater tots from the grocery store)—it's sort of that feeling that you forgot something you used to know perfect. But when you remember, it's perfect again. That's not really it because I don't remember it perfect. In fact, I can't remember very much in detail. Just a big blob of happiness with defined sections of trying to wake up at 6am, taking naps on the couch, meeting Z, cooking pasta-roni, dinners at the table, spying on people through the window, and falling asleep at night, the train whistle in the morning.

I should probably not fall so in love with the physical structures where I live. 


  1. Good times in that old place. I was recently at a party for valentine's day, and two of the people there had their first kiss with their spouse on the door step of SB30? Different apartments, but still, pretty amazing.

  2. i feel like you should fall in love with them. it's made your life that much more beautiful.

  3. SB307 will always be one of my fondest memories.

  4. Your favorite sister.February 25, 2012 at 12:49 AM

    You left your toothbrush so I hope that means you are coming back soon!! Xoxo

  5. Em, I just saw this, and I have to say I know exactly what you mean about not being able to go back. I almost don't like going back to that cute little town, it's so bittersweet to me. It just reminds me that the place that I loved doesn't exist anymore- to be there and not know one single person is just too strange and almost sad. In my mind it's still the same, and it's hard to be there and realize that I don't belong there anymore. We had some great times, and hilariously I also feel that pasta-roni played an important role in our lives during those years. Pasta-roni and spying out the window, that about sums it up. And sneaking around in the snow, but that's a story for another day...

  6. One more thing...the other day I was thinking about the painting above the fireplace, "la fontaine". Do you remember that? It was so strange and a little ugly and weirdly off-center? Bec and I would laugh about that. I wonder what happened to la fontaine.


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