Monday, January 2, 2012

I have to say something before its January 2nd.

The truth about last year is that January began with me sleeping in until the last possible second. Then. I would sit up and cry. Hailes was worried about me. Some mornings (or afternoons depending on the day), she would walk into my room and ask if she could help.

But no one could. Which was why I was crying.

It was January in Salt Lake City. January in this city is horrible. If you live here, you know why. Ten months out of the year, this place breaks my heart with its gorgeousness, but then, January & February occur.

Also, I knew exactly how much work I needed to do. But, I didn't know enough things to begin. It was pretty terrifying. So I'd just cry.

You can't do that forever—so every day featured me: climbing a little further out of the 2011 hole of terror.

 (at midnight: one of my friends)

This year began on a beach in a city I've never visited before and two love stories: one, whispered while my friend cut apples, and I ate the slices (and the love of her life talked with our friends just out in the little hallway); one, discussed openly between a gigantic stack of suitcases in my car on highway 101 driving south to the LAX airport—. A few hundred miles later, there was also a shooting star off the I-15 just after we passed the California state line.

I know this year will have its share of heinousness. It just will. Who knows what it will include. But—this year it feels like I'm running in that dream I had a few weeks ago. The one where I was playing soccer.

What I mean at the end of this very rambling, dramatic post is that people are right when they say being alive is just absolutely horrific and wonderful at the same time. But hope! hope!

(hope wins)

Photo taken by MJ 

p.s. It feels so good to finish something you were terrified to begin. 


  1. Emily, you are incredible! I've never lived in SLC, but living in Provo I have wondered if I was going crazy because of the way the end of January and February seems to bring out a kind of unreasonable sadness that I can't explain or control. But it always ends!

    Also, your post reminds me of a quote I love:
    I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
    - Agatha Christie

    Happy New Year!! I hope 2012 is everything you hope for-- or even better, I hope it beautiful and magical and marvelous despite the fact that life is never what we plan for! xoxo

  2. Work hard, you are almost done. And you will be so busy these two terrible months will FLY BY!

  3. ktb! unreasonable sadness! (is the perfect phrase to describe it). i wish you similar magic & gorgeousness trailing you everywhere.

  4. January and February here where I live are unbelieveably gorgeous. The weather is perfect, we eat all our meals outside on a blanket, and sometimes I sit by an open window and cry (just a little) because the smell of orange blossoms is too lovely for me to take. Life is so wonderful here in January and February. I am not bragging, I am saying: come visit! You will not regret it!

  5. I just want to cry reading this and everyone's comments!! At least we have Feb 10th to look forward to... (The Vow) and March (Hunger Games)!!

  6. I love you more all the time! This says all the reasons why a person could start, thought.

    Happy New Year.


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