Monday, September 12, 2011

stomach-dropping

Last night, my friend reminded me of the time she brought me bread on the first day of Fall. She didn't know that I hate Autumn. I can't remember how she found out. I might have sent her a feisty text thanking her for the deliciousness but reminding her that in my house, Fall isn't celebrated.

After August, everything feels sad. Like everything is about to die. Because it is. And then—I suddenly feel like the loneliest person in the world. Like every tree that changes color will crush me with loneliness.

I try to push it away. But it seeps into my bones in the morning when the sun begins slanting through my window differently. And then walking to the library, suddenly, the wind will smell like smoke and rain at the same time. Shoot. I have no defense for that kind of sadness.

Today I went out to the Great Salt Lake to pretend it was July 1st and take a few more Polaroids.

The I miss everything about you graffiti had been erased.

(But don't worry, I had a plan B.)
(and I'll be working on a plan B for fall)

6 comments:

  1. I don't mind fall that much. I love the beauty of the leaves changing color and the smell. I like the nice weather, and I adore Halloween. But there is something about it that saddens me too. I think fall is tainted because it precedes winter, and winter is just...dark and cold and lonely. And it seems like warm weather is so far away.

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  2. Emilia I don't think I knew how much you disliked Autumn. That makes me sad, because there is some potential for romance and cuddling, comfy sweaters and peaceful snow falling in the night seen only by lamplight (and best of all-cougar football). I guess it all does kind of sound sad. I guess it feels like the kind of good sad that you feel when you listen to super loud super sad love songs in the dark.

    But more than anything else, I don't want you to feel lonely.

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  3. Hmmm I think it's the mountain of leaves you have to deal with every fall. With who knows what from a dog underneath.

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  4. It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't like autumn! I would like it, but it means that winter is coming, and I quite dislike winter. Otherwise, autumn is like spring, and spring welcomes summer, which is a wonderful time of year. That's why I like spring so much.

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  5. I love fall but can't usually enjoy it. I'm too busy dreading winter. A couple of years ago I did a blog goodbye summer hello fall. I saw it again last night. It made me hate fall a little less.

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  6. I have never heard anyone actually expressing dislike for Fall. It certainly has its charms, but it seems like Autumn brings on a special brand of anxiety for me, which makes me really dislike it. It's a shame--I used to love the changing leaves, etc., but it changed after some big life events for me and I fear it will never be the same. I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't LOVE it.

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